#101 Feeling Trapped to Feeling Free!

Question: I am the main caretaker for my mother. I resent taking care of her because she expects me to be there for her but she does not make efforts to help herself. I ask her if she has done anything her social worker or therapists have suggested she do and she always answers no, I haven’t done anything. She is depressed and she is not even acknowledging it. My problem is I want her to make progress so I can feel my energy and time with her is at least doing something for her.  But the reality is that she will not get better, she is only getting worse. How do I deal with my desire to change her so that I can feel better? I feel trapped and I am fully responsible for her.
 
Answer: The only way a change can take place is when you shift your own perspective of the situation. When that shift has taken place, the relative world will be the same but your attitude towards it is different. Your attitude now is that “she is depressed, she is not helping herself, I am drained because I extend my time and energy, but I get no results from my investment. It’s not fair, this is a burden, I want to run away but I am trapped. “
This is only an attitude; it is something you are investing your energy and time believing and you are draining yourself with this attitude. Attitudes are self-fulfilling prophecies. Once it’s gets stuck, it will run you underneath your conscious intentions to get free. Once you are clear of your false belief or the attitude you have invested into, then you find the opposite attitude. In your case it is something like, “I am free, Mom is the Divine’s responsibility. Let go, Let live. I am happy and because I take care of myself and I love and nurture myself. “So you practice the opposite until it shakes up your rigidity in your original belief.
 
Attitudes are something that you choose to take on in any given moment. It is like putting on a hat, wearing it to a party, taking it off when you don’t need it anymore. But if an attitude is stuck, you have to unstick it enough so that you start to feel you can drop it and try on another attitude to test the results.  Exploring the opposite attitude is how you get unstuck from feeling trapped by your belief or present circumstances. It is only you that can change, so when you change your attitude, you will experience different results. You mother can be exactly the same, but you will feel different. In a sense you have dropped your attachment and your projection that she is only a depressed person who is draining your life energy. Your state has nothing to do with her state of being. It is your identifying with her with your projection that make you convinced that she is this way.
 
Practice the opposite of I am trapped. I am free. Intentionally look for how I am free is true in each given situation you are in with your mother. What you look for is what you get. This is how reality works.
Ultimately you are neither trapped or free from being trapped. You are much larger than all this. You are the vast Universe and you must practice returning to this source daily so you never get too stuck in any attitude you put on. You are not your attitudes, You are before the beginning of time and space. Remember this so you don’t get stuck easily.

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