I have karma around teachers. Karma here means this is an area I get the most challenge and is also the area I do the most evolving. With the history of various teachers and spiritual guides that have impacted me positively and negatively, I have been molded into the role I play today as a spiritual teacher or guide.
I was traumatized as early as Kindergarten, then I remember grade four and so on. In my teens, I chose partners who I thought could be my teachers. My spiritual journey from 18 years onward is a range of positive and negatively impacting experiences with teachers.
I still carry, to this day, a strong reaction to teachers who disempower their students unconsciously or consciously, a little or alot. Over the years, I have hosted many teachers to offer workshops, retreats or trainings at my Centre. I have noticed that I am particularly protective over ‘my students’. I watch, like a hawk, if these guest teachers will cross that merciful line of the teacher student relationship boundary. And boy, do I have a definite set of conditions and expectations that they must respect. If they show the slightest deviation from that severe list of high standards, I want to ‘kick them out’. And I havekicked some of them ‘out’!
I recognize that I have unfinished business with the role of being a student as a victim in the hands of a ‘teacher’. Life experience as a teacher is exposing my trapped and charged energy with very strong standards I place on myself to uphold this very sensitive relationship with a student. I sense my identification and disempowerment. It is time to release my belief in this role as a teacher and to release my trauma as a student. How do I do this?
I must de-identify as being the one who was hurt. I am that same teacher who said or did something that I took to ‘disempower’ me. I and the teachers are all ME. Student and teacher are roles that belong to the ego. Playing and believing in roles is where the disempowerment comes from. I am not the student. I am not the teacher. I am the Source, also experienced as the Watcher, where roles have no power. Identifying as Source and as the Watcher, there is no disempowerment. Only Empowerment! This is now my spiritual practice.